Saturday, October 10, 2009 come here often?

I never blogged before. Yeah... I know, you can tell. The post below, my first, was just brewing in me, waiting to get out. I liked it, so I think I'll be back. It was liberating to just vomit all that bile onto a web page, semi-anonymously. If you know me well, you know I had a troubled childhood. I am not one of those who sits around whining about it, I rather choose to wear it as my badge. I am not ashamed that my mother was dead to me for years before she died, she was horrible to me, and my children. I relate to the angry mother-hatin' music of Eminem, in fact. But to some degree, it made me who I am. For that, I am not sorry.
I turned out a bit of alright, I did! Get to know me-Come back soon.

Funny Thing About Hate

I hated you. Every day. Morning and night, pure spite.
You earned my hate, with your mean heart, cutting words, evil ways.
You should have loved me, but instead just judged me. You never saw my value, gave me any worth. You only threw doubt and rage at me, and it ricocheted. (How much it hurt!)I was never good enough, no matter how hard I tried. I would never amount to much, no, not in your eyes.
As I grew, I became defiant, learned to be self-reliant. Protecting and caring, brilliantly daring.
Never enough for you, I know, but still stronger than you'd see me grow. In my youth I thought you spoke truth, but as I grew, I knew. Your insecurities and lies, disparaging remarks, merely your cries. Weak, sad, pitiful really. You were nothing to hate, nothing at all, to belittle me and make me feel small. I laughed at your funeral and spit at your grave, free from your bondage, no longer enslaved.
You gave me life on earth and nothing more, God opened the window, when you closed the door.
The funny thing is, I turned out just great, free of my anger, released of my hate.
A strong, loving mother, I turned out to be, without such a role model to be there for me.
Fearless and unapologetic, because I know what I want and I know how to get it.
I follow my heart and make myself happy.
You were miserable every day of your life, and wanted the same for me, sorry to disappoint (not really), but that will never be.
I rebel against all that you were, all that you instilled in me-
I'm confident and beautiful and always will be- the things that you weren't-
Warm, cheerful and funny- a delight really, just sweet as honey.
I have love in my life in my heart and soul, you gave me nothing, and that was enough.
I earned it all by myself, through patience and love.
I thought I hated you for how you used to be....
But now I see, it was you who hated me.